Life right now…

Sometimes it gets hard to keep up with the daily grind, let alone extra stuff like blogging and creative work. Sometimes you have to choose between doing what you want to and doing what you have to. Sometimes you just have to do what you can and be content with that. And sometimes that’s ok.

Its been a really slow, cool, dark, cloudy, rainy spring so far in the Okanagan, and it hasn’t helped the motivation/energy factor at all.  Many days its a struggle just to get the counters cleaned off, the toys picked up, and the dinner made.  Sometimes we have eggs or grilled cheese sandwiches. Its hard being a mom. Its hard staying at home all day and feeling like you’re not accomplishing anything. Its hard when you’re tired and have a migraine and don’t feel like getting out of bed but there’s a little person who needs attention, food, and love.

I often feel like I can’t do the things I want to do until the things I need to do are done, and that would mean that I’d never get to do what I want to, because the list of need-to-dos is endless. So I put off blogging, crocheting, reading, and other creative activities, and try (and usually fail) to get the house, laundry, groceries, etc. in order while trying to keep my little weapon of mass distraction from becoming bored and getting into things he shouldn’t be getting into.

I feel like I’ve been singing this song for too long now – I can’t get everything done. I don’t have the time or energy to do what I want to do when everything else is (mostly) done. I don’t understand how people look after the house and kids, and still run a business, plus blog, plus have time for themselves… They must be insanely organized! I’ve never been a very organized person; just look at my bedroom and you’ll see the proof.  Actually, maybe you shouldn’t look in there…

I started out this year with the aspiration of being more present and in the moment; of slowing down and just being. I haven’t done a very good job of that so far.  I’ve filled my days with outings and people (which isn’t a bad thing in itself) because I’ve found it easier than staying home and just being with my little boy. We both like to ‘do’, and he enjoys the commotion of going places and seeing people as much as I do. But I make myself way too busy, and then I don’t get much accomplished, and feel bad at the end of the day. So I’m going to be working on that. Slowing down again. Even just a little bit. I need to not try to fit so much into my day, and I need to stop trying to escape from this lovely house of mine, and time alone with my son. I’ve been taking Z on walks when its not raining out.  I’ve really enjoyed getting outside a bit more lately.  I can’t wait for the weather to become a bit more predictable and less tumultuous.  Its been a weird year so far, weather wise.

Well, there’s life right now. Always trying to get on track and become organized.  Maybe someday I’ll succeed.

 

 

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